swaps <who>'s shampoo with nair
installs windows on <who>'s machine
forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks
registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers
resizes <who>'s terminal to 40x24
takes <who>'s tea
dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services'
pokes <who> in the eye
beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Unix manual
cats /dev/urandom into <who>'s ear
signs <who> up for AOL
enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101
sporks <who>
drops a truckload of VAXen on <who>
judo chops <who>
resizes <who>'s terminal to 40x24
formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12
rm -rf's <who>
stabs <who>
steals <who>'s mojo
strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord
whacks <who> with the cluebat
sells <who> on E-Bay
uses <who> as a biological warfare study
uses the "Customer Appreciation Bat" on <who>
reads <who> some vogon poetry
puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex
casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom
gives <who> a melvin
turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be "bugged"
takes away <who>'s internet connection
pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon
counts "1, 2, 5... er... 3!" and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who>
puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders
makes <who> read slashdot at -1
puts "alias vim=emacs" in <who>'s /etc/profile
uninstalls ld from <who>'s system
locks <who> in the Chateau d'If
signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons
makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer
fills <who>'s Visene eyedrop bottle with lime juice
casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom.
gives <who> a Chicago Steamer
rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death
pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher
pokes <who> with a rusty nail
puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets
pours sand into <who>'s oatmeal
mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste
puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lip balm
straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of "the world's most annoying sound" from "Dumb and Dumber"
tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack
forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing
smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass
puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives
makes <who> watch reruns of "Blue's Clues"
puts lye in <who>'s coffee
tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass
lets Borg have his way with <who>
signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center
wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings
gives <who> a 2 guage Prince Albert
forces <who> to eat all their veggies
covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper
fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce
forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly neverending IRC political debate
knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4
removes debian from <who>'s system
uses <who>'s debian cds for skeet shooting practice
gives <who>'s phone number to Borg
posts <who>'s IP and root password on alt.2600
forces <who> to use words like "irregardless" and "administrate" (thereby sounding like a real dumbass)"
tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out
replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue
replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets
squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline for <who>
submits <who>'s photo to the people at SA for photoshopping
Forces <who> to learn the Win32 API
gives <who> an atomic wedgie
ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast
forces <who> to use emacs for text editing
frowns at <who> really really hard
jabs a hot car lighter into <who>'s eye sockets
forces <who> to browse the web with IE
takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue
forces <who> to listen to only emo music
signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship
attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM
donkey punches <who>
puts track spikes into <who>'s side
replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld
replaces <who>'s hypertension pills with rat poison pellets
replaces <who>s jock itch cream with Nair
does the Australian Death Grip on <who>
dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors.
farts in <who>'s general direction
flogs <who> with stinging neddle
hands <who> a poison ivy joint
